Growing Up is Hard

I apologize if I’m melancholy (bonus points if you read that as if it were said by Megamind) this year; as I mentioned a few days ago, I’m still pretty new at this kids-growing-up thing so I think about it quite often.  This is one of those days where if you are further than I am in your parenting journey, you’re probably going to nod your head and say, “Yeah, I know where she’s coming from.”  Conversely, if you’re behind me in your walk, you might be tempted to shake your head and mumble, “Mmmm, yeah, whatever.”  

Before I get any further, and in case there is one of you out there who doesn’t know me very well and isn’t familiar with our situation, here’s where we’re at:  We have a son who is a freshman (sorry, First Year) in college and another who is a Junior (I think it’s still okay to say Junior) in high school.  There, you’re caught up.

I’ve discovered that there are some fabulous perks to having kids who have grown up a bit.   For starters, we have weekends free now.  No longer do we spend hours and hours alternately freezing or melting in all kinds weather, sitting at a field of sorts.  About six or seven years ago, I would have sold a body part for a free Saturday; now they’re all free.  While I do miss seeing them play, I enjoy my weekends in a way that I never have before.  We don’t deal with temper tantrums and power struggles anymore, there is no more negotiating how many bites of a certain food need to be consumed at dinnertime, and if the hubs and I want to go out, we don’t have to arrange a sitter – we can come and go as we please.  These are all good things, and the list could really go on and on.

Amongst all of the blessings that come with your kids getting older, there are unfortunately a few not-so-great things that pop up too.   My kids don’t really need me anymore, they’re entirely self-sufficient.  If push came to shove, they could do their own laundry (one already does), clean, cook their own meals (I shudder to think of what they would exist on, but they wouldn’t starve)…the realization that they can carry on without you is good in that it means you’ve done your job as a parent, but as a mom, it’s kind of sad.  I can’t help them with their homework anymore; they’re way too smart for me!  They no longer ask my opinions/permission on things; they pretty much take handle everything themselves.  

As I list anti-perks (Did I just create a new word?  Sweet!), there is one that hits me so hard that it can, at times, cause a physical ache inside.  It’s been brewing for a while now.  I miss, with all my heart, the days when a hug or a snuggle from me made everything okay.  You know what I’m talking about.  When your kids are little and they get hurt or feel that they are wronged, who do they look to?  Mom.  Always mom.  And as a mom, you open your arms and envelope your little ones and draw them tightly to you.  A few kisses, some soothing words, a smile, a gentle touch…most often those are all it takes to set their world right again.  You are their rock, they’re crusader, their hero.  And all too often, at least in my experience, you take each and every one of those moments for granted.  You’re tired or you’re busy or you feel like you just can’t give of yourself any more so you perform your duty and go through the motions, but you don’t truly treasure it.  Then, all too soon, the day comes when you realize that you aren’t the center of their universe anymore and you don’t wield that kind of power.  Of course you’ll still see your kids experiencing hurt, doubt, pain, injustice…but you can’t do anything about it.  And as a mom, it’s terribly painful.  

I shouldn’t say that you can’t do anything about it, that’s not entirely true.  In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman, you can carry them to Jesus.  Ultimately, that’s the best thing in the world that you can do, and believe me, as the kids have gotten older, I have found myself on my knees before my God more and more, crying out to Him for my children.  But a mama’s heart is still a mama’s heart, and I really do miss the days when they would come running to me, and I could make everything better.  

Hug your babies and your littles; they won’t stay that way for long.