Out With the Bad Air, In With the Good

No, I'm not talking about my asthma; I'm referring to change.

I'm not talking about good change, either. You know, changes like getting a new haircut or taking down the Halloween decorations and putting up Thanksgiving decor (yay for this afternoon!). I'm speaking of the hard, life changes.

At any given time, I have at least seven things that I should change. Generally, it's the usual suspects: I need to lose (a ton of) weight, I should manage my time better, I could be a better wife/mom/friend, I should turn off the TV more often and read more books. You get the picture.

The problem with change is that it seems to be ridiculously hard. I always intend to lose weight; I start a diet almost every Monday. It usually ends by Tuesday. Frequently I make elaborate "to-do" lists only to find that it's not humanly possible to accomplish everything. I break out a book to read, but find that I get sleepy when I start to read so I turn on the TV instead. I intend to be patient and loving with my kids and then one of them does something so teenager-ish that I want to throw utensils at them! (This actually almost happened; a few months ago JC did something and I literally almost threw my fork at him.)

In short, I continually fail. I'll be faced with a situation and Little (White) Michelle on my left shoulder says, "Think of how much more accomplished you'll feel. You'll have victory! You can do it!" But then Little (Red) Michelle on my right shoulder quickly replies, "Eh, life is short. Go ahead, eat cheesecake for breakfast!"

And...this is where the blog breaks down.

I've stated my topic. I feel like I've communicated some of the changes that I'd like to make. I've listed a few specific things that thwart my attempts. I shared the conversation that takes place between the Little Michelles. Logically, we've arrived at the part where I dazzle you with some great epiphany that I've had. Some gems of wisdom. What I've done to overcome some bad habits and how I've risen above them.

Nope. I've got nothing.

Today is just another, ordinary Monday. So far I've done okay. I haven't touched the Halloween candy (yet). I was nice to all of my people as they left the house this morning. I picked up some things and started laundry before I sat down to write. So far, so good. But it's early; the candy corn will probably start calling to me around 11ish.

While I would love for that magical epiphany to occur, I fear that I'm going to keep taking it one day at a time and struggle through it. Charles Swindoll wrote a book called Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back. That's what it feels like. Although many days it feels like it's actually three steps back and I'm just breaking even. Or it's four steps, and I'm losing ground.

Oh well. I'll keep trying.