Monday, November 29, 2010


This morning I had a new experience. For the first time ever, I completed an online traffic school course. Perceptive readers may recall that I got a ticket earlier this month and apparently I'm eligible to have my record expunged.

As I sat at my desk late last night looking at the list of traffic school options, some of them made me laugh...

1. "Aztec Traffic School." This could go one of two ways; I could either have to prove my heritage or attend SDSU. I'm a season ticket holder, does that get me close enough?

2. "I'll Never Speed Again Traffic School." School for liars?

3. "Advantage Traffic School." Claiming to give/have an advantage is kind of a big deal. I'd like to know exactly what the advantage is before I would select this one.

4. "Traffic Treats." Many things come to my mind; I wonder what they have in theirs.

5. "Pizza For You." Is there a place on the registration form to indicate my preferred kind of pizza? Will it be homemade? Pizza Hut? Domino's? These things make a difference.

6. "Gay Traffic School." Seriously? Will it make me gay? This one's just stupid; they don't need their own traffic school. I don't see a Straight Traffic School on the list. Sheesh...

7. "Liberty Traffic Violator School." This makes me feel like a hardened criminal; all I did was go 10mph over the speed limit. It wasn't even in a school zone!

8. "Great Comedians Traffic School." One man's great comedian is another man's least favorite comedian. This one's too subjective.

9. "Universal Traffic School." This one sounds overwhelming; will I have to learn the traffic laws for every country???

10. "Laff For Less Traffic School." These people can't even spell! I'm supposed to have confidence that they'll give me a proper education and a correctly filled-out certificate at the end? I don't think so!

In the end, I went with San Diego Online Traffic School; it was recommended by a friend. It was reasonably cheap, it didn't take me very long and my certificate is already on it's way. I'm glad it's done. Now I know that having a blow out in your back tires will cause you to fishtail; I don't think I knew that before. At least I learned something.


Amy said...

Too funny! I can't remember which one I went with.. all I know is it only took me an hour opposed to an entire Saturday :) Glad you are done with it!

Sooz said...

Was it at least somewhat humorous?

Thany said...

You are hilarious.

LaDonnaWasHere said...

Last ticket I got (I've only had 2) I did the same crack up at the list of names. There were cartoon ones and video game ones.

Your interpretations make it even better.

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