The One About Underwear

Having two sons only one year apart, I have almost always had to engage my brain when doing laundry.  The big things were easy to tell apart; the boys never worse the same size pants and shorts, and for the most part shirt sizes were different as well.  Socks, undies, and undershirts though…they were a different story.  They were always a little tricky.  

The problem only got worse as they grew older.  All three of my people became the same size.  Even our family photographer said this year (while taking our pictures), “Geez, everyone is the same height!”  Now instead of having to determine whether certain items belong to child #1 or child #2, I have to also figure out which things belong to the mister.  I have to look at each t-shirt and remember whose is whose.  Not hard, I just have to pay attention.  I do pretty well most of the time; only occasionally have things ended up the wrong pile.

To combat some of the issues with the aforementioned unmentionables (socks/undies/undershirts), I have for years employed a very practical solution.  I shop very carefully and always make sure that each person has a different brand.  If one has Hanes, one has Jockey, and one has Fruit of the Loom, the undies are easy to tell apart.  The same applies to socks; if they’ve each got their own brand, it doesn’t matter that they’re all the same size.  This has worked for a very long time and I have always been quite pleased with my system.   

Until now.

You see, Andy has pretty much fallen in love with Amazon.  He used to just buy books.  Books are fine.  We all know which books are Andy’s and even if you share books – it isn’t skeevy.  (Actually, he and Matthew have begun to overlap, but that’s no big deal.)  Andy has been asking for and receiving Amazon gift cards for years and it’s been great.  Unfortunately, a while ago they raised their price limit for the free shipping.  While I just choose to order less often (or pay the shipping if I really need something), Andy decided that socks, underwear, and undershirts make great “filler” items if he needs to bump the price up a little bit.  On one hand, it’s nice because it’s saved me some trips to the mall.  However, it also means that he’s been ordering with impunity and he’s completely ruined my system.  He has now ended up with unmentionables that are the exact same brand and size as the boys.  I’m limping along okay with just Andy and child #2 here, but we’re going to run into some real problems when child #1 comes home for breaks.

The only real solution:  Andy’s initials or some other indicative mark are going inside his newly purchased items.  It seems goofy, but it’s the only way to ensure that everyone keeps their unmentionables to themselves.  Because really that’s what everyone wants.  

Thanks, Amazon.  You and my husband have successfully managed to unravel a perfectly good, decade-long system.  

Pbbtthht.