The Bonus Lesson

Five weeks ago, I began (for the zillionth time) my current dieting campaign.  I’ve been struggling for years; it’s been a vicious cycle of wanting to change, dieting, losing 10 pounds, losing focus, and gaining it all back (in many cases, gaining back more).  It’s been frustrating.  On September 22^nd, I decided that I’d had enough!  With my health starting to suffer and my 40^th birthday not too far off (enough about that), I came to the realization that it was time; kind of “now or never” if you will.  I got rid of most of the junk food in the house, dusted off my gym membership, and reconnected with MyFitnessPal.  I was off and running.  (Metaphorically speaking of course…I can’t really run.)  I was disciplined, I was determined, and I made progress.  I have chosen to weigh in every Monday and by last week, at the Week 5 mark, I had lost 13.4 pounds.  It’s been hard, I’ve sacrificed, and my sore joints sometimes struggle for every ounce, but I’ve done it.  Awesome right?  I have a long way to go, but I was off to a fantastic start; everything was going great.

Until this last week.

I won’t go on about why today’s weigh in wasn’t good; you don’t need to hear all of the reasons.  Some were valid issues that I was dealing with; some were just lack of discipline.  Regardless, today I discovered (not really to my surprise) that I’d not only failed to lose weight this week, but I’d actually gained a pound back.  While not completely defeated, I was definitely discouraged.  The thing that I think is making a difference this time though is that for once I didn’t let the step backwards completely ruin my desire to press on.  When I’ve found myself in this situation before, I’ve tended to view a setback as the ultimate and final defeat and I give up.  This time, though disappointed in myself, I was able to get right back to it; I was at the gym at 5:45am and I’ve stayed with my diet plan so far.

Victory, right?  Movement in the right direction!  So my writings today were going to be about being thankful for grace and forgiveness when I fail (forgiving myself is quite hard for me) and for the ability to press on, to persevere and not give up when I’m slightly derailed.  Great things to be thankful for, right?  I think so.

That was going to be the end of it…until I was in the shower.  While organizing my thoughts, I thought to myself, “Dude.  (That’s what I call people when I think they’re being ridiculous.)  It’s okay to be happy with progress on your diet, but if you’re thinking of grace, forgiveness, and general determination, rather than speaking of the scale and fleeting things, look to those who live with you…be thankful for them.”  Holy smokes, my shower self was right.  So very right.

Yes, I’m pleased to be losing weight, but in the larger scheme of life, I am ever thankful and immeasurably humbled by the grace and forgiveness regularly shown to me by my husband and my son.  (And the other son, who doesn’t live here right now.)  I so often fall short of being the wife that my husband deserves; some days I’m a train wreck and yet he keeps coming home to me, each and every day.  And my failings aren’t limited to the wife department; just a few days ago I was a completely awful mom.  Somehow, despite frequent failures, they extend grace to me daily and are always quick to forgive when I royally screw things up.  They love me.  Not only do they say it with words, but they show me with their actions.  They are determined to stick with me, shortcomings and all, and that in turn causes me to get right back up and work towards being the wife and mother that they need me to be.  It gives me the will power to constantly fight with my old self in effort be the person that I really want to be.

Grace.  Forgiveness.  Perseverance and Determination. 

They come show up in many forms; sometimes they even grab you when you aren't looking for them.
For that, I am thankful.