Convicted

This month, our pastors are giving a short series entitled Metamorphosis; we’re studying Romans 12.  Last week we studied the first two verses and looked at not being conformed to this world, but rather being transformed to be more like Christ.  Today our pastor spoke on verses three through eight.  

Verse three says (in part), “…Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought…” and our pastor spent some time talking about how we are not to be self-centered.  He pointed out how society leads us to an over-inflated sense of self.  Immediately, I sat there thinking, “Well I’m not self- centered.  I do have some less than desirable qualities, but self-centeredness isn’t really one of them.”  (That should have been a red flag right there.)  Then he said to consider this:  “You’re driving down the freeway; everyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, and everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot.  Right?  We become the standard and everything is measured against us.” 

Gulp.

It hit me like a ton of books just how very self-centered I am.  We probably all are, really.  At least I like to think that I’m not alone.  All of society, all of life, constantly bombards us with the idea that we need to be looking out for #1, that we know best, and that we can take care of ourselves.  We’re taught to always be thinking, “What can this do for me?”  The view is always inward and the focus is always on us.  It’s terrible really; I was willing to list my other short-comings but was so blinded, so prideful, that my first reaction was to deny that I have a bigger problem.  

Pastor Doug then shared the following quote by C.S. Lewis:
“…the utmost evil, is pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere flea bites in comparison: it was through pride that the devil became the devil: pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind…”

Whoa.

I began thinking about how many things in my life are direct consequences of pride.  The annoyance that I am continually struggling with at work?  There’s a bit of validity there, but close examination reveals that there truly is some pride involved.  The argument that I had with my husband last night?  Definitely pride.  My tendency to look to be validated in my accomplishments, largely because of my low sense of self-worth?  Pride, and a completely incorrect view of myself as a child of God.     

Pastor Doug completed the sermon speaking about how we are instructed not to be self-centered, but we are to be self-aware.  He also brought up three ways that our faith can change the way that we see ourselves.  I’m planning to go back and listen to the sermon again, as clearly today’s words were words that I really needed to hear.  You could listen too if you’d like.  Click here and you have the option of listening to the audio, watching the video, and looking at the message outline.

So today I am thankful for our church, that it’s a place where we are safe and where we can grow and learn.  I am thankful for our pastoral staff; each and every one of them is amazing and we are so very blessed to be under their leadership.  And I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit’s conviction; it isn’t always pleasant and it most often doesn’t feel good, but it’s beautiful and necessary as we seek to be more like Him.  

Today, with absolute humility and in all sincerity, I accept our pastor’s challenge to pray these two simple words as we continue looking at Romans 12.

“Change me.”

Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.