Done

Thirty days of posting!  I did it!  The posts might not have been of much quality some days, but I am pleased with myself for getting something in writing each day. I had anticipated this being one of my weaker years.  I'm in a very weird place right now.  Introspection has shown that there are really two big factors contributing to my perpetual funk.  

The first is the coming of the empty nest.  In less time than it takes to cook a baby, we'll have no kids living at home.  I realize that this is part of life and that everyone goes through it; I don't think that I have the market cornered on loving and missing your kids.  It's possible that being an only child (of an only child) has shaped me a little differently than many though; I cling to those close to me very tightly because there are so few people close to me.  The value that I place on family time is exorbitant.  It's made for some wonderful traditions and memories over the years, but it is also making the coming changes very hard.  

Similarly, the other big factor is family related as well.  I'm having a rather difficult time with the changing dynamic in my family due to my mom's illness.  I won't get in to all of the details as some are personal, and some will just sound like me whining.  I'll just say that I'm not dealing with it very well and leave it at that.  

Both of those things, as well as a few other issues, have kept me in a continuous state of yuck for a while now.  That's why I've tried so hard this month to take my eyes off of myself and focus on being thankful.  It's harder to wallow in your own junk when you're trying to keep a stream of thanksgiving going.  I think I'm on the right track; I was given a great reminder this morning when our Associate Pastor quoted Philippians 2:3-5.

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had."

What perfect words to keep me going!  As I enter this Christmas season with substantially more baggage than I usually carry around, I was admonished to keep my attitude in check.  Instead of thinking about myself and what I'm dealing with and keeping my eyes inward, I am to look at how I can serve others and lift them up!  It's such a freeing thought, really.  Whether it's serving my family, my friends, or complete strangers, I need to be mindful of opportunities that I have to make a difference for other people.  I'm excited! 

My final thought, since it relates to my current situation, is a movie quote that I heard the other night.  Bonnie Hunt says it at the end of Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (I may have been watching it and crying a little bit the other night).  It's a beautiful quote and it helped me put things into perspective, even if for just a little while.  I'll leave you with her time-appropriate words, and wish you a wonderful holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!  Thank you for taking this journey with me.  -xoxo

Letting go is the hardest thing you can do as a parent.  

You have to settle with the past, engage in the present, and believe in the future.  

That vacation at Lake Winnetka reminded Tom and me that 

we're always learning as parents, and that the bond is forever.

Even as the kids grow up and venture out on their own, 

we'll always be with them and they'll always be with us...

because life is a voyage that is homeward bound.

Ten on Wednesday

I'd written a Ten on Tuesday list yesterday, but I didn't get it posted because I was distracted by my soapbox.  I did want to share it though, so here you go - what would have been yesterday's post!  Enjoy!



There are days (or periods of time) when your job is fun and great and wonderful.  Conversely, there are times when your job feels, well, less than magical.  I'm going through one of those slumps.  However, since I am working on this whole Thankfulness thing, I decided to list ten things about my job (even the silly stuff) that make me smile. It seems better to dwell on the fun rather than the junk.

1.  Helping the Littles.  This may come as a shock to you, but I honestly don't like kids.  That being the case, working at an elementary school occasionally seems like an odd choice for me.  But I really do love it when I am able to help a little one get through their day.  Some of them are pretty darned cute. 

2.  Summers and Breaks.  I have a job that gives me a week off at Thanksgiving, two at Christmas, one in February, one in March, and seven weeks during the summer.  It's hard to complain about that!  If I ever leave the school system, that'll be a huge adjustment.

3.  My new A.P.  We got a new Assistant Principal this year, and she is absolutely wonderful.  We sit across from each other so we can make faces at each other and communicate non-verbally when necessary.  Working with her is something that I look forward to every day.

4.  My Parking Space.  Who wouldn't like having their own parking space?  It's pretty rad.

5.  Flexibility/Understanding of Family Issues.  All of the ladies that I work with in the office are moms, so they are very cool when I have to leave suddenly or take time off.  You know, like when your son gets a concussion or punctures a lung, or when another son has to sing at out of town events.  They're pretty understanding and they don't really give me a hard time.  I appreciate that. 

6.  Casual Fridays.  It's amusing how happy I get when I pull out the jeans and t-shirts on Friday mornings. 

7.  Pandora.  This year we're listening to Pandora in the office each day.  It really does make the time pass more quickly; I've never liked working in a quiet office.  Definitely a positive change.

8.  Teachers Who Say Funny Things.  We've got some teachers who often say hysterical things and keep us in stitches.  I love our staff.

9.  Feeling Like I'm Contributing To My Family.  Paying for college is quite a tall order, as many of you know.  I'm thankful that I was provided with an opportunity to contribute, even in my small way.

10.  An Outlet For My Talents.  I'm ridiculously organized and efficient; I love that I have a place to use those skills.  After all, one can only organize one's house so often...at some point there isn't anything left to do and you need to move on.  Now I have a whole office and four other people to work on!  Making things run smoothly makes me very, very happy.



If you are in a position that you're not thrilled with, I would encourage you to start looking for the little things that make you happy.  They may seem small and insignificant, but I'm finding that given time, I am able to focus more on the good than the negative.  It's a daily struggle sometimes, but one that I think is worth tackling.  I don't want to let less than ideal circumstances rob me of  life's joy. 

I Surrender

Maybe it's a sign of getting older in general, or maybe it's just the place that I've been in for the last couple of years, who knows?  Whatever the reason, I've been trying really hard (this year especially) to not get carried away in all of the Christmas hoopla just yet.  

I've tried to stay focused on November, with the coming holiday being Thanksgiving.

I love Christmas, don't get me wrong.  Christmastime is my absolute favorite time of year and in years past I've immediately thrown myself in to all things Christmas as soon as the jack-o-lanterns were put away.  Something is different now, though.  I don't like how we've become so focused on Christmas that Thanksgiving loses it meaning and the only reason people think about it at all is that it means that you're just hours away from Black Friday.  Heck...some people even call it Grey Thursday.  

Not Thanksgiving, but Grey Thursday!!!

So it isn't easy, both from a retail perspective and from a giddy-that-your-favorite-time-of-year-is-coming perspective, but I've been trying very hard to put Christmas in the back of my mind for a while. 

Things were going along fairly well until this last week.

I saw these laying around the workroom.  Clearly a teacher was busy prepping.

And this.  Granted, it's our Giving Tree and we need to get it out early, but still.
There's now a Christmas tree sitting four feet away from my desk.

And these.  Many lights are up (presumably left from last year), but these were actually turned on.
(Sorry about the poor picture, I may have been driving...)

And then I turned TV on and saw it.  THE commercial. 
The one that I hadn't seen yet, and the one that in my mind signifies that Christmas is truly here.

The thing that finally did it, that put me over the edge? 
My wonderful husband surprised me with a gift this afternoon. 

So I will still celebrate Thanksgiving, wholeheartedly.  I will be thankful.  So very thankful.
I will thoroughly enjoy two days of turkey and stuffing and pie and potato casserole (please, Aunt Lissa!), and I am looking forward to the time spent with family and friends.  Can't wait for my boy to get home!

But I won't fight the arrival of Christmastime anymore.  I'll open my new CD and embrace it.

Bring it on.

Remembering Long Cold Winter

Last week I posted about how you never want something as badly as when you can’t have it.  The saying goes, “The grass is always greener on the other side.”  Cinderella (the band, not the princess) wisely told us back in the 80’s that you “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone).”  All true.

Today, I’m remembering just how wonderful it was to be a stay-at-home mom.

Yesterday I had the day off (Veteran’s Day).  It was so great!  It started out perfectly; I slept in and was then able to go to the gym when the sun was actually out.  I did some work around the house and took care of a few appointments that I’d been putting off.  I worked on my Christmas cards and began my search for this year’s new Christmas music.  I enjoyed my first Red Cup of the season, and I took the time to fix a delicious and involved dinner (something that I don’t have time to do on work days).  I listened to a bunch of music and I played one of my favorite card games with my loves.  I didn’t feel rushed or like I was simply hanging on and flying from one commitment to the next; it was fabulous.

I am thankful for my job as it is very much needed during these college years.

I am thankful for our Veterans and for the reminder to thank them and pray for them.  I honor both of my grandfathers, Walter Reed and Robert Heyenga, who both served in the Navy.

I am thankful that I had the opportunity to stay home with my boys while they were little.  Our family made sacrifices so that it could happen, and my husband was our champion and amazing provider while working full time and putting himself through college, all so that I could be home with the littles.  It was worth every second; the bonds that the boys and I have are priceless.  

And today I am thankful for days off, when I can put the junk of life aside and just be a wife and a mom.  I am eagerly anticipating the coming holidays.  There are numerous breaks ahead and I will be able to cook, clean, bake, play games, watch movies, and make new memories with the ones that I love most.

Betty and Judy

  

Today’s post isn’t full of wisdom and it’s not a witty story; today is just about being thankful. 
Thankful for one specific person.   

My sister.

Some of you may be thinking, “…but she’s an only child!”  Technically, yes, I’m an only child.  One day I hope to meet my brothers and sisters in heaven (there are 4 of them).  Thankfully, the Lord knew (as He always does) that I would need a couple of people to fill the gap for me while I’m on this earth.  One of them is an incredible man who calls me sister; perhaps I’ll write about him one day.  Today, however, I choose to honor a woman who means the world to me.

I met her in 1992.  She was the girlfriend (soon-to-be wife) of a friend of mine.  We barely spoke the first few times that we saw each other.  There was some semi-awkward shared history there and when you’re a teenager (as we both were), you don’t always handle those sorts of situations very well.   After a few initial meetings, I didn’t see her or speak to her for a couple of years.  

In the spring of 1994, I found myself needing to communicate with her again.   I had fallen head over heels for the love of my life and we were planning to marry in less than a year.  The catch?  I was marrying the older brother of my friend…that friend that she married.  With a teeny bit of hesitation, my man and I called, told both of them that we would be getting married, and asked if they would be able to make the trip out from Colorado; we needed a best man!  They came, of course, and she and I became family.

True sisterhood didn’t happen overnight, nor can I pinpoint a specific time when our relationship shifted.  It seemed to happen naturally over time.  As our kids grew, they started spending more time with us when they were out here and we started making trips out there as we were able.  We started talking on the phone more which eventually (thanks to the invention of smart phones) led to texting.  Somewhere along the way, the conversations turned from the pleasantries of shared family to the nitty gritty of real life.  At some point, we started actually doing life together.  

As an only child herself, she “gets” me in ways that no one else does.  She knows the real me, both the good and the ugly, more than anyone else on the planet (with the exception of my husband).  We share many of the same crazy tendencies, yet we’re so very different.  We laugh together.  We cry together.  We annoy the crap out of each another.  We’re honest with each other, we keep each other accountable, and we give each other grace.  She makes me a better person.  I can’t imagine my life without her and I truly wish that I had more time to spend with her.  The mister and I are hoping to live out there in the not too distant future; I want to grow old with her.  She’s everything that I would have asked for if I were creating a sister.  Sisters by birth is pretty amazing, I’m sure – but sisters by choice…it’s a wonderful thing.

Thank you, Jaime, for calling me sister. 
And thank you for going to Canada, fetching my favorite candy bars, and sending them to me.   

Your Happy Day gifts are always perfect and they seem to arrive just when I need them the most.

Thank you for being you.

I love you.

This Must Be What The Stones Were Talking About

It amuses me how frequently you want something that you can’t have or you want to use something that isn’t working.  Think about it...  You rarely crave Cinnabon at the mall until you’re on a diet.  You always get the itch to make cookies when you're out of eggs.  Crunchy chips and gooey caramel sound the best when you've got a toothache.  You need to run a zillion urgent errands precisely when your car breaks down.  You never thinking about going to the bathroom until you’re constipated.  (Too far?  Eh, I’m a boy mom…no topic is off limits.)  You see my point.

Today, I’m obsessing with food and drink.  I’m having fasting labs drawn tomorrow morning and they told me that I have to fast for twelve hours.  TWELVE!  I have these same tests run every year and they always tell me “nothing after midnight.  That’s easy…totally doable.  I’m equally fine with abstaining for the first three hours of my day tomorrow; I’m not a breakfast eater and the coffee can wait if it must.  The hard part is going to be the last two or three hours of today!  No late night coffee or tea before bed, no cocktail!  NO COCKTAIL, PEOPLE!  It’s like they have a complete and utter disregard for my nighttime routine.  

I’ll be fine until 9pm; Matthew has a concert so I won’t have anything available to me until he’s done.  But after that?  That time when I’m winding down before bed?  (No cocktail?!?)  Oye.  There’s only one solution: bed.

So tonight I’ll turn in at 9:30pm, hopefully get some extra sleep (doubtful, but that’s another story), and survive this trying ordeal.  

If I want to relate this to being thankful, I would say that I am thankful for my doctor. She is amazing and I am always grateful for her care.  The labs are an extension of her attention to detail and wanting to keep an eye on things.  I really do appreciate her and her help with my myriad of issues.

But come on.  Twelve hours?!?

The Bonus Lesson

Five weeks ago, I began (for the zillionth time) my current dieting campaign.  I’ve been struggling for years; it’s been a vicious cycle of wanting to change, dieting, losing 10 pounds, losing focus, and gaining it all back (in many cases, gaining back more).  It’s been frustrating.  On September 22^nd, I decided that I’d had enough!  With my health starting to suffer and my 40^th birthday not too far off (enough about that), I came to the realization that it was time; kind of “now or never” if you will.  I got rid of most of the junk food in the house, dusted off my gym membership, and reconnected with MyFitnessPal.  I was off and running.  (Metaphorically speaking of course…I can’t really run.)  I was disciplined, I was determined, and I made progress.  I have chosen to weigh in every Monday and by last week, at the Week 5 mark, I had lost 13.4 pounds.  It’s been hard, I’ve sacrificed, and my sore joints sometimes struggle for every ounce, but I’ve done it.  Awesome right?  I have a long way to go, but I was off to a fantastic start; everything was going great.

Until this last week.

I won’t go on about why today’s weigh in wasn’t good; you don’t need to hear all of the reasons.  Some were valid issues that I was dealing with; some were just lack of discipline.  Regardless, today I discovered (not really to my surprise) that I’d not only failed to lose weight this week, but I’d actually gained a pound back.  While not completely defeated, I was definitely discouraged.  The thing that I think is making a difference this time though is that for once I didn’t let the step backwards completely ruin my desire to press on.  When I’ve found myself in this situation before, I’ve tended to view a setback as the ultimate and final defeat and I give up.  This time, though disappointed in myself, I was able to get right back to it; I was at the gym at 5:45am and I’ve stayed with my diet plan so far.

Victory, right?  Movement in the right direction!  So my writings today were going to be about being thankful for grace and forgiveness when I fail (forgiving myself is quite hard for me) and for the ability to press on, to persevere and not give up when I’m slightly derailed.  Great things to be thankful for, right?  I think so.

That was going to be the end of it…until I was in the shower.  While organizing my thoughts, I thought to myself, “Dude.  (That’s what I call people when I think they’re being ridiculous.)  It’s okay to be happy with progress on your diet, but if you’re thinking of grace, forgiveness, and general determination, rather than speaking of the scale and fleeting things, look to those who live with you…be thankful for them.”  Holy smokes, my shower self was right.  So very right.

Yes, I’m pleased to be losing weight, but in the larger scheme of life, I am ever thankful and immeasurably humbled by the grace and forgiveness regularly shown to me by my husband and my son.  (And the other son, who doesn’t live here right now.)  I so often fall short of being the wife that my husband deserves; some days I’m a train wreck and yet he keeps coming home to me, each and every day.  And my failings aren’t limited to the wife department; just a few days ago I was a completely awful mom.  Somehow, despite frequent failures, they extend grace to me daily and are always quick to forgive when I royally screw things up.  They love me.  Not only do they say it with words, but they show me with their actions.  They are determined to stick with me, shortcomings and all, and that in turn causes me to get right back up and work towards being the wife and mother that they need me to be.  It gives me the will power to constantly fight with my old self in effort be the person that I really want to be.

Grace.  Forgiveness.  Perseverance and Determination. 

They come show up in many forms; sometimes they even grab you when you aren't looking for them.
For that, I am thankful.