About halfway through the game, I realized that today is indeed November 1st and therefore the beginning of yet another NaBloPoMo. Earlier this year I had thought about participating again, but honestly I haven't thought about it in months. Suddenly, I was faced with making an immediate decision. After all, there are only a handful of hours left in the day! All of the usual doubts filled my mind: I don't have enough time, I don't have anything interesting to say, nobody reads it or cares about it anyway, why bother blogging one month of the year and then letting it sit dormant for the other eleven months... The list went on and on. Still, I couldn't shake a nagging feeling of failure if I let it go. This would be the eighth year of Snow Comes Up; I'm not great at this, but am I really ready to call it quits? Was this just my OCD talking, or was this really something that I wanted to do?
As my brain argued with itself and I continued to cheer Denver on to another victory (wahoo!), I finally put it all together: the blogging, the doubts, and the football game.
This year has been hard. Ridiculously hard. I have struggled in ways that I had never imagined and had to walk down a path that I never thought would be required of me. My life, in many ways, has been turned upside down. I have felt, for so much of this year, completely and utterly defeated. I don't mean that in a flippant and cliche kind of way; I have been completely broken and have had to fight each and every day to put all of the pieces back together. Defeated.
Except that I'm not. and the goofy NBC graphic reminded me of that. As I read "The Undefeated" over and over, 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 came to mind. Actually, it hit me like a ton of bricks! It reads:
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
While walking through dark moments, it is easy for me to feel crushed, to despair, to feel abandoned and destroyed. To feel defeated. But that's a lie. That's the enemy talking. The reality is that I am, in fact, none of those things. I may be going through times of trial, but I am being held by a Father who created me (Psalm 139) and who has delivered me (Psalm 56:13).
How does this all relate to the blog, you ask? Well, it really doesn't. Except that it was a reminder to me that even in the muck of this life, there is hope. There can be healing. There can be restoration. And there can be normalcy. And for that reason, I will try my hand at writing again this month. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, I will remember Who holds me, and I will once again try to find the joy in putting even my most ridiculous thoughts to paper (well, to the Internet) this year. And I promise you, some will be exceedingly ridiculous. Will I complete all thirty days? I have no idea.
But regardless, I am undefeated.