The Post That Really Isn't A Post

There are days that are happy and wonderful and you have an endless amount of potential blog topics.  Unfortunately, there are also days that are (for no one particular reason) exceedingly difficult and the thought of sitting down and writing makes you want to either pull your hair out or crawl under a blanket and hide.  Perhaps my Mr. is on to something and that's the folly of NaBloPoMo.  Why put so much pressure on oneself for thirty days out of the year when you don't generally blog for the other three hundred and thirty five?  At any rate, once I've committed to doing something I can't really quit.  So in the spirit of thankfulness that I've been working on this month, and in an effort to take the focus off of my negative thoughts, there are five things that I am thankful for right now.

Despite my grumpy attitude towards him earlier,
my husband is out back right now putting up my Christmas lights. 
(They won't go on, but they'll be ready.)

The smell of freshly baked oatmeal cookies
lingers in the house for a very long time.

I got a prime parking spot at Target today
and there were surprisingly few people there
for eleven o'clock on Sunday.

The weekend that we had in Santa Monica.
You saw the pictures of the date day,
a post about the real reason for the trip
will be coming later this week.
Phenomenal trip.

My eldest and his friends are hosting a
pancake party in their apartment tonight.

for some reason, that delights me.  

Sorry for not being witty or thought-provoking this year.  I've been on a weird personal journey lately.

AC the Oblong

My husband has a great many talents; among them are his phenomenal mind and his sharp wit.  If you know him, you know what I’m talking about.  He’s crazy smart and wickedly funny.  

He’s never been one for NaBloPoMo; he sits at a computer all day so the last think he typically wants to do when he gets home is sit down at our desk.  When we went to Europe a handful of years ago, he decided to start a blog, mostly as a way of documenting the trip.  If you have some time to kill and want to be completely and thoroughly entertained, I would suggest that you go back and read through his posts.  He detailed, in a way that only he can, his weeks there while working and then our time on vacation afterward.  Hysterical.  

I’ve been after him to guest blog for me for a while and he’s always declined.  I mean really, he’d be much more interesting than I am.  I was super happy when a few days ago he decided to post something to his blog!

I don’t know whether he’ll post often or once a month.   

Some days he might have us laughing, other days he might cause us to stop and think for a while.  He’s been in more of a pensive mood lately.  

Regardless, I’m so looking forward to his posts.
I think you’ll like them too.

You'll find him at MostlyTrivialPursuits.
Check him out.

A New City With A Cute Guy

Today.

The most perfect of date days.

 

Goodnight.

The Worst Kind of Text

At the gym this morning, I almost cried.  I don’t mean that in a figurative way either; I literally had to pause and fight back tears.

The news story that was being reported was regarding the shooting that occurred last night at Florida State University.  They were describing what happened and showing photos that the students had taken with their cell phones as they were barricaded in their classrooms.   Tables, chairs, anything that they could find they had moved to block the doors.  You could see students huddled together and talking on their cell phones.  They mentioned that many of the students sent texts to their parents and loved ones.  They showed one in particular; a girl had texted the following to her mom:

“There’s a man with a gun in the library.  I love you.”

As soon as I read that, I immediately felt sick to my stomach; it took my breath away.  Stop for a second and think about that…imagine what it would be like if you were going about your evening and you received that text from your child.  It’s terrifying.  And it's becoming all to common. 

We as parents spend the greater part of two decades shepherding and watching over our children.  We keep them fed, clothed, and protected.  Mama (or Papa) Bear is never too far away and can be ready for battle at a moment’s notice if our children are endangered in any way.  And then we send them away.  We send our precious babies out into a big, scary world…alone.    

I had a small glimpse of it when John moved out last year.  It was very strange to see him (via Facebook) with people and in places that were foreign to me.  It was just such a new concept, not knowing what he was doing.  It was awful when he got sick.  It was bad enough when I thought he had the flu.  It was the first time he had been sick away from home and I wanted to jump in the car and take him some homemade soup!  It was magnified a hundredfold when we realized that it was a much more significant illness.  Not being there?  Not being able to immediately and practically help him through it?  The endless guessing game and hours of conversations with my Mr. trying to determine when was the appropriate time to step in?  Hearing pain in my son’s voice over the phone?  It was terrible.  I have never felt more helpless in my entire life.

I’ve heard people say over and over that you just have to “give them to the Lord,” and that “He’s got them in His hands.”  I know that in my head.  I believe that He loves them far more than I ever could, which really is beyond comprehension.  I believe that nothing is going to surprise Him.  But I also know that He quite routinely allows horrific things to happen to those He loves.  Therefore the whole “giving them to the Lord” idea feels a bit like a Sunday School answer to me.   I know that praying for them is what I’m supposed to do.  And I do.  I really do. But it just doesn’t feel like enough.  Knowing the evils of the world and the crap that life deals you sometimes, I find it very difficult to reconcile the hands-off approach with my mother’s heart.  

They’re grown.  One is gone and the other will be out of here in nine months.  They are independent.  And that’s how it should be.  But when my phone rings (or I get a text) and I see that it’s from one of them, the excitement of hearing from them is always momentarily delayed as I wonder what might be wrong.  I inadvertently cringe inside for a slit-second until I hear that everything is okay.   Maybe that will lessen in time; we’ll have to wait and see.  It's not like I"m going to love them any less or the world is going to suddenly get better.

Growing up is hard. 
Stepping aside to let them grow up?  That’s even harder.  

Ten on Wednesday

I'd written a Ten on Tuesday list yesterday, but I didn't get it posted because I was distracted by my soapbox.  I did want to share it though, so here you go - what would have been yesterday's post!  Enjoy!



There are days (or periods of time) when your job is fun and great and wonderful.  Conversely, there are times when your job feels, well, less than magical.  I'm going through one of those slumps.  However, since I am working on this whole Thankfulness thing, I decided to list ten things about my job (even the silly stuff) that make me smile. It seems better to dwell on the fun rather than the junk.

1.  Helping the Littles.  This may come as a shock to you, but I honestly don't like kids.  That being the case, working at an elementary school occasionally seems like an odd choice for me.  But I really do love it when I am able to help a little one get through their day.  Some of them are pretty darned cute. 

2.  Summers and Breaks.  I have a job that gives me a week off at Thanksgiving, two at Christmas, one in February, one in March, and seven weeks during the summer.  It's hard to complain about that!  If I ever leave the school system, that'll be a huge adjustment.

3.  My new A.P.  We got a new Assistant Principal this year, and she is absolutely wonderful.  We sit across from each other so we can make faces at each other and communicate non-verbally when necessary.  Working with her is something that I look forward to every day.

4.  My Parking Space.  Who wouldn't like having their own parking space?  It's pretty rad.

5.  Flexibility/Understanding of Family Issues.  All of the ladies that I work with in the office are moms, so they are very cool when I have to leave suddenly or take time off.  You know, like when your son gets a concussion or punctures a lung, or when another son has to sing at out of town events.  They're pretty understanding and they don't really give me a hard time.  I appreciate that. 

6.  Casual Fridays.  It's amusing how happy I get when I pull out the jeans and t-shirts on Friday mornings. 

7.  Pandora.  This year we're listening to Pandora in the office each day.  It really does make the time pass more quickly; I've never liked working in a quiet office.  Definitely a positive change.

8.  Teachers Who Say Funny Things.  We've got some teachers who often say hysterical things and keep us in stitches.  I love our staff.

9.  Feeling Like I'm Contributing To My Family.  Paying for college is quite a tall order, as many of you know.  I'm thankful that I was provided with an opportunity to contribute, even in my small way.

10.  An Outlet For My Talents.  I'm ridiculously organized and efficient; I love that I have a place to use those skills.  After all, one can only organize one's house so often...at some point there isn't anything left to do and you need to move on.  Now I have a whole office and four other people to work on!  Making things run smoothly makes me very, very happy.



If you are in a position that you're not thrilled with, I would encourage you to start looking for the little things that make you happy.  They may seem small and insignificant, but I'm finding that given time, I am able to focus more on the good than the negative.  It's a daily struggle sometimes, but one that I think is worth tackling.  I don't want to let less than ideal circumstances rob me of  life's joy. 

Ripped From The Headlines

This promises to be one of my more disjointed posts.  I just need to vent.  

I typically try to stay away from political or controversial social topics; generally speaking I'm not going to add anything new to the conversation.  Unfortunately, while I was at the gym tonight, I realized that I've had enough. With Ebola now out of the limelight (for now), all of the headlines have a current theme.  As I write this post, here are the headlines that the various news agencies have running:

"FBI warns that Ferguson grand jury decision 'will likely' lead to violence."  -Fox News

"Governor declares state of emergency in Ferguson." -CNN

"Ferguson prepares for the worst ahead of grand jury decision." -MSNBC (How irrelevant are they these days?)

The whole thing disgusts me.  

Back in September, TIME ran this cover.  Really, TIME?   No investigation, no facts, no step back for a moment, just an image of an African American kid politely surrendering.  Trying to affect the jury pool much?

 

I'm not saying that I know the truth of what happened.  I don't.  I readily admit that I don't.  But the thing is, these people don't either!  Maybe the cop is a terrible, racist individual as many people would have us believe.  Or perhaps he isn't an awful human being, but the situation just escalated too quickly and he made a poor choice.  But maybe, just maybe, Michael Brown wasn't the angel that his parents would like us to think that he is, and the police officer acted appropriately for someone who's life was being threatened.  You'd better believe that if I had a gun and my life was being threatened, one of us wouldn't be walking away.  If either of the first two scenarios are true though, then the police officer absolutely deserves to be held accountable in an appropriate way and it would be wrong if he wasn't.  But if the third option, or a derivative thereof is true, then he is being sorely misjudged and falsely vilified.  

People talk about getting "justice for Michael."  Listen to them, really listen to them; they don't want justice - they want revenge.  Justice would be reviewing all of the facts and reserving judgement until everything had come out.  That isn't what these people are about.  The Brown family even admitted last week that there was nothing that could come out that would change their mind.  Tried, judged, sentenced...their mind is already made up.  They even went to the United Nations to "get redress for our son."  I don't understand that.  Injustice hasn't happened!  An individual was shot, an investigation is taking place.  Period.  Should be the end of the story for now.  Oh, and while all of this was going on, an African American cop shot an unarmed white kid in Utah.  Not only did Utah not explode, but the media largely left that one alone.  They wouldn't be able to continue fanning the flames of racial inequality in Missouri if they admitted that there were other (reverse) racially involved shootings going on in other parts of the country. 

I guess I'm glad that the city is bracing for the decision; better to be prepared than not.  Bring in the National Guard, bring in the Marines if that's what it takes to protect law-abiding citizens.  But I don't understand, no, I can't even fathom a sub-culture that advocates behavior like this.  One where if you don't get your way,  you will injure others and destroy their property.  One that has a city "bracing for violence."  It's animalistic and it doesn't belong in a civilized society. 

I really do hope that the grand jury gets it right; that they come to the correct decision based on the evidence and the evidence alone.  I hope that emotion and politics and social commentary are left out of it.  Race shouldn't even enter their minds in any way; they should be looking at an officer involved shooting, nothing more.  I hope that if the officer is guilty of a crime, that he is made to pay for that crime.  I hope that if he isn't guilty, that he (and his family) would be protected, because I fear what people might do.  And I hope that those who would break the law and commit crimes against people and property just to show their displeasure are rounded up, arrested, and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. 

I hope that our justice system works, and that we won't be given over to and forced to simply react to mob mentality.  Because that isn't justice in any way, shape, or form. 

Some Days

Some days, life is:

Restful

Exhausting

Productive

Too Short

Happy

Stressful

Easy

Hard

Health-Filled

Painful

Encouraging 

Frustrating

Today, at one point or another, my life was all of those things.

But I heard my firstborn laugh; a true, genuine laugh.

And I saw my still-at-home son smile.  A sincere, heartfelt smile.

And those two things make everything else worth it.