The One About John

I know I've kind of cheated with pictures these last few days.  Oh well, life is like that sometimes.  I'll start writing again tomorrow.  I just couldn't write posts about our weekend with Matthew without giving John a few minutes too...

Like I said last night, I am so thankful that the boys chose schools that are reasonable close to each other.  They're only about 100 miles apart, so whenever we are visiting one, we generally see the other as well.  As you know, we spent the weekend with Matthew, so today we drove up to see John.

John.

My firstborn.

One who gives the best hugs ever.

A guy who would do anything for you.  

Someone who never lets life's curve balls get him down.

The one who just found out that he made the Dean's List last quarter.

And a guy who never turns down the Never Ending Pasta Bowl.

The first one to capture my heart completely nearly twenty years ago; one who will have it forever.  

My John.

Who doesn't love loading up on carbs at 11:00am?

Love.

My Day in Pictures

We started the day at our favorite
coffee joint in Carpenteria.

The next stop was Crushcakes.
It was tasty, but I decided that my
Limoncello Cupcakes are just as good.

The water was so blue today.

Top Gun Part 2?  :-)

For some reason, I love train tracks.

We stumbled across a store closing sale at Haggen's.
Hooray for 50% off!

After our morning activities, we picked up the kid.
He'd suggested coming back to the hotel to play games,
but he promptly settled in for a nap instead.
I guess college wears him out!

Once he woke up, it was time to eat.
Taking a page of out his brother's playbook,
he chose to go to Outback.

After dinner, we came back to the hotel, saved the world again,
(dang, we're good at that game), and then took one
last picture before returning him to school.

We walked over eight miles today.
Now I'm curled up with a drink in my hand and a football game on TV.  

It's been a great two days up here visiting Matthew; tomorrow we get to see John.  

I'm so thankful that they ended up at schools that are reasonably close together. 

Yay for long weekends, visits with your kids, and time away with your hubby!

   

The One About Matthew

I quoted a movie line last November that said, in essence, the hardest part of parenting is letting go.  I can't say definitively that it's the hardest; I’m willing to concede that there could be something more difficult down the road.  However it’s certainly been the hardest part for me so far.

When our firstborn left three years ago, it was rough because everything was new; it was a season of firsts.   First college visits, first applications, first time one of the littles left the roost, first holiday or special occasion without the four of us being together...first everything.  Oh, and it was even the first serious illness!  It never occurred to me when we left him that he'd contract and fight something significant that would entail hospital visits, narcotics, and the eventual medical leave of absence from school.  There were so many firsts and it really did take a while to get used to the new dynamic.

When our younger son left this past August, it was brutal in a whole new way, as everything seemed like a last.  All throughout his senior year, really, I struggled with the lasts.  Last birthday (for me) with any of my children living with me, last Mother's Day with a kid home, last drive to the high school...so many lasts.  While (thankfully) they come home to visit, it's never quite the same once they're adults and have been living on their own.  We truly did close the door to a significant chapter in our lives and it's been rather difficult to navigate at times.  It's been very hard to let go.

I must say though, there’s a certain peace that comes with knowing that your child is in the best possible place.  (This applies to John too, but I'm going to speak of Matthew now.)

When we began looking for a new church home almost four years ago, I had no idea that the Lord was already setting His plan for Matthew's (college) life into motion.  Looking back, there were so many things that worked together and led Matthew to Westmont College.  It really was (and continues to be) an answer to prayer.  I miss Matthew terribly, but I can honestly say that he is at Westmont because Christ used some phenomenal people and opened some pretty big doors to allow him to be there.  He's right where God wants him to be, of that I am certain.  And that is a pretty wonderful thing.

I'm so thankful to be up here for the weekend.  I love him so very much.  

Somebody is tired and not in the mood to have his picture taken!
This was right before we headed in to Multivariable Calculus and my head exploded.

After dinner we had to come back to the hotel and save the world.
You can sleep well tonight; all four diseases have been eradicated.
You're welcome.

There's the face I love.

The tables have turned!  I'm the one who is tired now!

Such a great day; I can't wait to see what tomorrow's adventures bring!
(Spoiler alert....the next few posts might just be more pictures.  Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Five Plus Five Does Equal Ten

Lists are so awesome.
Hooray for Tuesdays!

Five Less-Than-Fantastic Things About Having An Empty Nest

1.  No games.  My hubs really doesn't like to play games, so when they're gone, I really miss my game buddies.

2.  Less exuberant laughter.  AC and I do laugh at things, but lets face it...teenagers laugh in a much more infectious way.

3.  Coming home to an empty house.  My #1 son has always been so good at running down the stairs to greet me when I get home from work (he still does it when he's home on breaks); I miss him.  It's too quiet when I get home.

4.  A smaller labor pool.  For  years I never had to vacuum or carry in the groceries.  That was nice while it lasted!

5.  Not nearly as much guitar playing.  There aren't enough words to express how much I miss hearing my #2 son play the guitar on a daily basis.  Seriously.


However...not to be too negative.....


Five Totally GREAT Things About Having An Empty Nest

1.  Freedom to come and go.  Technically I've been able to come and go for years as the boys have been self sufficient for quite a while. Still, it's different when they still live with you.  It's nice not having to worry about anyone else's schedule.

2.  Every night is a date night.  Enough said.

3.  Meats and cheese and wine.  It's so freeing not to feel pressure to put a big meal together for growing people.  Meat, cheese and wine is one of our favorites.  So simple, yet so good!

4.  The grocery shopping is easier.  Gone are the days when I have to buy six gallons of milk at a time!  It's amazing how few groceries the two of us really need.

5.  The house says clean!  There's something pretty awesome about the house being as clean and tidy at 5pm as it was when I left it at 8am.


As with any journey, this transition into an empty nest has had it's ups and downs.
Still...I'm thankful that there are happy things to balance out the moments when I miss my kiddos.

(And I may be counting the days until Thanksgiving; I can't wait to have all of my people in the same room at the same time!)

The Making Of A Singer

Today I'm taking you all the way back to last Friday. 

You may recall that I posted pics of the Mr. and I in Santa Monica.  Well, the reason that we were in Santa Monica with multiple days to kill is that kid #2 was selected to and participating in the SCVA Men's Honor Choir.  He had two days of rehearsals (over 9 hours each day!) and then a concert on Saturday evening.  

Before I post a couple of pictures from the event,
I thought I'd share just a few memories from his musical journey.  

One of his earlier musicals.
He was very concerned with the hole in his sock,
but he recovered in time for his solo.

My sweet, enthusiastic angel.
Had to include a picture of Joseph; my eldest was quite the performer too!

Not quite as rambunctious, but still doing all of the motions!

Trying his hand at acting - the first time in a dramatic role!
He was the nerdy professor in this particular play.

Helping to lead worship at VBS.

Debut as a high school singer - a member of the Men's Ensemble.

His first season with the Chamber Choir.

The ever-faithful fan club.

Swiped this one from someone's FB page!
Matthew and six of his choir buddies - each of them made
one of the SCVA Honor Choirs!

Words cannot express how happy I am that Matthew has pursued singing.  It makes my heart so very happy and so incredibly proud.  He has a beautiful voice and I love it when I am able to pick him out in a song.  For SCVA, he was in the Men's Choir (they also have a Women's Choir and a Mixed Choir); we couldn't have been more thrilled.  There's just something about a good, quality men's choir.  As I watched him sing and listened to the beauty that those young men produced, I was literally moved to tears. 

One final check before it was time to head to the concert.

My illegal picture!
You weren't supposed to take pictures, but my silly attempt
yielded this funny result.  You can actually see his face twice -
once with his eyes opened, and once with them closed.
I'm looking forward to the arrival of the professional photos.

Buds.
These three were all in the Men's Choir.

I look old and horrible and show every bit of my lack of make-up.
But I love my boy. 
And I'm now shorter than he is.

Keep singing, Matthew.
Always keep singing.

Every day, for the rest of your life -
whether you're in a concert hall or your living room.
Make music in some way every single day.

It will help you express joy in the good times,
and it will bring you comfort and peace through the rough times.

Don't ever stop.
Ever.

I love you.

The Good Stuff

Thankful indeed. 

The Worst Kind of Text

At the gym this morning, I almost cried.  I don’t mean that in a figurative way either; I literally had to pause and fight back tears.

The news story that was being reported was regarding the shooting that occurred last night at Florida State University.  They were describing what happened and showing photos that the students had taken with their cell phones as they were barricaded in their classrooms.   Tables, chairs, anything that they could find they had moved to block the doors.  You could see students huddled together and talking on their cell phones.  They mentioned that many of the students sent texts to their parents and loved ones.  They showed one in particular; a girl had texted the following to her mom:

“There’s a man with a gun in the library.  I love you.”

As soon as I read that, I immediately felt sick to my stomach; it took my breath away.  Stop for a second and think about that…imagine what it would be like if you were going about your evening and you received that text from your child.  It’s terrifying.  And it's becoming all to common. 

We as parents spend the greater part of two decades shepherding and watching over our children.  We keep them fed, clothed, and protected.  Mama (or Papa) Bear is never too far away and can be ready for battle at a moment’s notice if our children are endangered in any way.  And then we send them away.  We send our precious babies out into a big, scary world…alone.    

I had a small glimpse of it when John moved out last year.  It was very strange to see him (via Facebook) with people and in places that were foreign to me.  It was just such a new concept, not knowing what he was doing.  It was awful when he got sick.  It was bad enough when I thought he had the flu.  It was the first time he had been sick away from home and I wanted to jump in the car and take him some homemade soup!  It was magnified a hundredfold when we realized that it was a much more significant illness.  Not being there?  Not being able to immediately and practically help him through it?  The endless guessing game and hours of conversations with my Mr. trying to determine when was the appropriate time to step in?  Hearing pain in my son’s voice over the phone?  It was terrible.  I have never felt more helpless in my entire life.

I’ve heard people say over and over that you just have to “give them to the Lord,” and that “He’s got them in His hands.”  I know that in my head.  I believe that He loves them far more than I ever could, which really is beyond comprehension.  I believe that nothing is going to surprise Him.  But I also know that He quite routinely allows horrific things to happen to those He loves.  Therefore the whole “giving them to the Lord” idea feels a bit like a Sunday School answer to me.   I know that praying for them is what I’m supposed to do.  And I do.  I really do. But it just doesn’t feel like enough.  Knowing the evils of the world and the crap that life deals you sometimes, I find it very difficult to reconcile the hands-off approach with my mother’s heart.  

They’re grown.  One is gone and the other will be out of here in nine months.  They are independent.  And that’s how it should be.  But when my phone rings (or I get a text) and I see that it’s from one of them, the excitement of hearing from them is always momentarily delayed as I wonder what might be wrong.  I inadvertently cringe inside for a slit-second until I hear that everything is okay.   Maybe that will lessen in time; we’ll have to wait and see.  It's not like I"m going to love them any less or the world is going to suddenly get better.

Growing up is hard. 
Stepping aside to let them grow up?  That’s even harder.  

2008, Part I

When it rains in San Diego, you do what you've gotta do to enjoy it.

 

Last week I mentioned a broken thumb that I couldn't find a picture of.
Apparently I had the timing wrong - it was in January of '08.
Bagged and ready for a water ride.

Bumping into friends at Disneyland is always fun!

The Lesson:
Don't get in a fight with your older brother
or you might walk away with a torn cornea. 

Hikes with Dad!
(I don't hike.)

Bon Jovi!

John's 12th Birthday

Little League:
The only time that a San Diego girl can say, "Go Dodgers!"

Despite the goofy uniforms, I love my
AWANA Bible Quiz winner!

Speaking of goofy uniforms....
Whatever it takes when you're an All Star, right?

Manning x2

The things that Dad teaches them...

VIP's for a day at Petco.
It. Was. Awesome.

A little blurry because she moves around alot...Amy Grant!
It was the 20th anniversary reboot of the Lead Me On tour,
which I indeed did see in 1988.  Such a fun night.

Not sure why we all took a turn in the hat.
Probably Matthew's idea.

Love.

Our big family, all together!
If I've counted right, there are eight more of us now.
(This isn't extended family or anything - it's Andy's folks,
his siblings, and their children.  I know...there are a lot of us!)

Sigh.

I've mentioned that we love Disneyland, right?

The year that our Christmas picture looked like a band photo.

She was surrounded....

It wore her out.
Merry Christmas, Sophie.
(I miss you.)

I love pictures.  I called this Part I...
In the summer of '08 the Mr. and I went to Europe. 
Next time I'll do a Part II with some of our vacation highlights. 

That would have made this post entirely too long!